I was sexually abused at 11, but my mum won’t speak about it | Dear Mariella

Your mother won’t have forgotten the incident, says Mariella Frostrup. She’s probably paralysed by her inability to process what you endured

The dilemma When I was 11, I was sexually abused over the course of a year. It was the 1980s, we trusted adults and I had private lessons at my teacher’s home. I eventually told my mum and the lessons stopped, but we never discussed it.

I blanked it out until something sparked my memory when I was 18 and I brought it up with her. It turned out she’d blanked it, too. She apologised for not remembering.