A woman is unsettled by her boyfriend being unfaithful. Mariella Frostrup says she should call him out on his bad behaviour
The dilemmaI can’t tell if I’m being a control freak or walked all over. I’ve been with my partner for six years. We work together in an organisation I set up. We both do two or three people’s jobs at times, so our relationship is interwoven with our stressful working lives. Earlier this year my partner confessed he’d got drunk and had a one-night stand. Weeks later he told me he had told this woman that he loved her but had decided to be with me. That really de-stabilised me. Then I had a horrible accident, and while I was in and out of surgery for six weeks, with the threat of being permanently disabled, new staff started at our organisation and one took an immediate shine to my boyfriend. He’s now texting this woman up to 30 times a day, and they go out drinking together until 4am. He says she is like a sister, but I have to work in the same office as this woman. She is 20 years younger than him. I’m not coping with the jealousy and resentment. What on earth should I do?
Mariella replies I don’t know where to start! Your letter is like one of those magic-eye pictures that I have to keep staring at in the hope that a recognisable pattern will emerge. You’re clearly a capable, intelligent woman, so why are you allowing yourself be treated like the beleaguered victim? You ask if you’re a control freak, but that’s the very thing you seem to be failing to be. I’m tempted to say that your skills need polishing up. At present, control is what’s absent from the picture – of your relationship and of your employees – and this long diatribe suggests it’s time to take the reins back into your hands.
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