If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk
The dilemma I am having a lot of problems related to my past. I was abused many times when I was five. My mother beat me all the time, and my parents were fighting. My father married twice and both my mothers lived in the same house. The other mother never beat her children, but my mum was always beating me for things I didn’t do. Now that I am 24 and very sensitive, I feel for every little word spoken about me or gesture made. I am confused about everything; I can’t make a decision. I am not confident at all, just looking at other people and trying to copy them. I cry sometimes at nights as I feel so helpless and alone. I can’t trust people. I’m scared to talk to them. I am a complete mess. Can you help me?
Mariella replies I really hope so. Some weeks it’s hard to even open my mailbox it’s so full of examples of the emotional agonies unique to our species. Between the cries for help and appeals for guidance I get lovely letters from happier or restored souls thanking me for advice or for old columns they stumbled across that helped them through difficult times. These I cherish. Correspondence like that is humbling and offers a rare opportunity to feel I’m doing something worthwhile rather than vicariously riding other people’s traumatised coattails.
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