A Muslim woman set to marry a Christian man worries about their different religions. Mariella Frostrup says it’s her family and partner who matter most
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk
The dilemma I am a 30-year-old woman of Indian ethnicity. I am a doctor and living alone, away from my family. Two years ago I met a wonderful man and we now feel it’s time to tie the knot. I have never been particularly religious, but my family is Muslim – though quite liberal. My parents have yet to meet my boyfriend, but I am sure they will love him. My problem is that in Islam a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man – any marriage which takes place is invalid. My boyfriend is Christian and 100% sure he does not want to convert. I fully respect his decision, but it means that we could only marry legally and not religiously. This is bugging me, as I strongly feel I would like a religious wedding blessed by God – or at least the God I understand there to be. I feel like a fanatic for having these thoughts, as I don’t do anything that a Muslim woman is expected to do. Should I ignore my conscience and marry him legally, or is this a sign to break up?
Mariella replies I wonder if it’s conscience or your sub-conscious that’s at play here. Either way, you may be asking the wrong person. If I was apathetic about religion when I was younger, I’m fast becoming radicalised against it. I never felt stirrings of faith – apart from when faced with natural wonders such as the multilayered celestial splendour of a night sky, my newborn babies, an epic coastline – so I embraced tolerance and tried to remain open to the multitude of organised belief systems I don’t share.
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