A woman has no friends despite the fact that she is confident, active and leading a full and varied life
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk
The dilemma Im utterly friendless. I thought about writing this email a year ago but instead tried to get out and meet people. So I take regular gym classes, I do yoga and Ive just started sewing classes all hobbies that include social interaction. I chat to the people there, they chat back: its not like were all too in-the-zone to converse, despite the individual goals. Theres no reason Im so lonely Im a nice person (I think!). Im interested in others and ask questions and have opinions to share. When my boyfriend and I go out with one of his (several) groups of friends, I feel like a loser. That may be more a reflection of them putting me down to make themselves feel better, but even when I click with someone I eventually feel that way. Youll say Im projecting my insecurities, but Im well practised at keeping them under lock and key, and my emotional IQ is unnecessarily and uselessly high. Ive a healthy level of confidence, enough to gain and retain employment, start hobbies, enough for aspiration. Im doing everything I can, but no one wants to be my friend. Whats more pathetic than that?
Mariella replies Theres plenty thats more pathetic, I can assure you! What does loser in this context mean anyway? Its a ghastly word we bandy about with abandon, but as theres no tangible definition of winner (unless its the spin of the lottery wheel) it means very little.
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