If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk
The dilemma I have a female colleague who has, over the past three years, told me she loves me and would like to marry me. The problem is that I do not love her and I have told her that. I used to be in a relationship with another girl, but we recently broke up. In April I was at a low point and my colleague visited me and we had sex, and now she is pregnant. The dilemma I have now is that she insists that I marry her because the child will need a father and a mother. However I cannot marry her because I do not love her. At the same time I do not want to lose my child. I also feel betrayed because I think she took advantage of my stresses and now she has leverage. I am not sure if I can forgive her for that. Please advise what I should do.
Mariella replies Leverage? Thats hardly the best way to describe an unborn child. No matter what the history behind your present conundrum, theres now a third persons wellbeing you need to add to the equation. This child youve created is not a bargaining chip but a human being. Remember that no matter how much both of your behaviour suggests flaws in the description, you are the adults here.
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