You seem detached from your own desires, says Mariella Frostrup. Think about whether this represents a long-standing emotional issue and get professional help
The dilemma My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years and I have faked my orgasm each time we’ve had sex. We met at university when I had a distorted view of what sex should be like. I was in a wild period of my life and I slept with a lot of different guys. Faking it was a way of ending the sex when I wasn’t enjoying it any more – and I thought it was the easiest way to communicate that I was done.
But since I faked it with him the first time, I thought I had to fake it the second time, and so on. The longer it’s gone on, the harder it has become to tell him, because I am afraid of losing him. He is very thoughtful and patient. If I had told him earlier we could’ve moved past it, but I was too afraid. The worst thing is that our relationship is amazing. We have a mutual sense of trust and respect. I don’t want to ruin it, but I feel like I already have. I know now that the goal of sex is enjoyment, but my guilt is starting to take over my thoughts and I don’t know what to do. The truth would hurt him and probably knock his whole sense of trust and self-worth. There has to be another way to fix this, right?
You’ve been cheating your boyfriend of access to the real you
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