A daughter both resents and appreciates her mother. Mariella Frostrup suggests that she explain her feelings
The dilemmaI spent last summer with my first real boyfriend and his parents at their house. They have a beautiful home and really great jobs. They are never in need of anything, always travelling and spending lots of money on clothes and restaurants and adventures. I pretended this was my life for the summer. When I came home to my mum in our tiny home with little food and terrible air conditioning, I started to conjure up hate for her because it reminded me of my depression and suicide attempt. It’s been like this my whole life, always worrying about what we were going to eat and where we were going to sleep. It’s not her fault, but around her I feel cold. When I talk to her I’m emotionless or angry. I constantly disagree with her. I don’t know what to do. I try not to be nasty but it just keeps coming out. I might be bipolar because my absent father is. I need tips on how to just be myself with her. I keep having dreams that she dies before I learn to become better.
Mariella replies I’d show her your letter. After reading it I think she’d understand pretty clearly what you are wrestling with and the fact that despite your outward behaviour you do appreciate her. To your mother’s credit she’s managed – against considerable odds, it sounds – to raise an articulate, thoughtful daughter whose life has every chance of being less of a struggle than that of her parents.
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