A woman wants more commitment from her boyfriend. The imbalances in their relationship ring alarm bells for Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma My boyfriend can’t say “I love you”. He says it will take time. We’ve been going out for a year and a half. For him actions speak louder than words. But he slept with another woman while drunk and travelling six months ago. He was very sorry, and we worked through it and re-established trust and connection. I appreciate his honesty, but at times feel angry. He says that though he felt more lustful passion towards past girlfriends, we have a better chance of staying together because the relationship is not based on superficial unrealistic lust but instead care, fun, respect and growing together. We talk about marriage and babies. I’d like to move in with him, but he’s not ready yet. I’m starting to read this as a sign that he’s not committed to me. Is it normal to have some doubts about a relationship?
Mariella replies What a catch! Seriously, I’d be having doubts, too. There’s little in your description that suggests to me that he’s in for the long haul. Rationing your allowance when it comes to commitment and desire is hardly the stuff of epic romance. Instead he seems to be doing everything in his power to keep you at arm’s length and in return you’re, what… grateful? I know a good man is hard to find, or certainly was in my searching days, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for slim pickings from the outset. Relationships in the long term may be all about compromise, but in the short term they should deliver satisfaction and joy, not self-doubt.
Duty sex can be saved for later, when you’ll need to learn the art of creating passion rather than being propelled by it
Continue reading...