A couple who lost a child find some people hurtful in their responses. Mariella Frostrup suggests not being judgemental of others, or themselves
The dilemmaOur son and only child died suddenly and unexpectedly at 19 months old this time last year. We feel blessed and grateful for the time we had while he was with us, but since we lost him we have suffered no shortage of difficult interactions. In the early days people were very careful around us. Now that sensitivity has waned. Some people now ignore us when we pass in the street, while others tell us that happiness is an attitude. We have also struggled with happy life events, for example birth announcements and weddings. How much can we expect from others around us? And what might be a reasonable or socially acceptable response to some of the silly things we are told?
Mariella replies Your loss terrifies me. It’s almost impossible to imagine the pain you have endured and what courage it has taken to focus on the gift of your son’s short life rather than its cruel brevity. Only a year later your emotional wounds must still feel exposed and raw. The fact that you’re vulnerable to interaction in a world where people are going about their business blissfully immune to your experience of extreme tragedy is not surprising.
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