A man is wondering whether to move to Sweden to be with his lover, who has a husband and children. Mariella Frostrup suggests he stays put
The dilemma This summer I met a woman in Sweden who is married, with young children. We have been in constant contact and have met up in secret. She and I had the best sex of our lives. She and her husband have agreed to separate after they sell their home next spring and she says she wants me to be in Sweden as soon as possible. She phones me every day asking for advice on how to end her marriage and about how to control her unruly children. We also talk about sex a lot. However she is still not 100% sure if she will ever leave her husband. I’ve helped her develop childcare strategies, but she still won’t commit to a long-term relationship if I make the move. I worry that she just wants me for sex. My life here is on hold – I have lost interest in my job and my extended family and have held back from dating. I have three adult children and own my house, so I could move quickly. Should I give up my life in this country and move to Sweden? Should I insist on a firmer commitment from her before I take this step?
Mariella replies It is certainly a good time to take stock. New Year is all about fresh starts, but I’m a little concerned about where this adventure is taking you. While there are no guarantees in any relationship, your lover presently seems to be holding all the cards.
Why do you want this relationship to be more than the sexually satisfying affair it currently is?
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